Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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