i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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