I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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