I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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