My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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