my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
