I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
