Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
