STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
