That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
