i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
