she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
