I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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