Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
