Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
