worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
