i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
