i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
not ubering you a puppy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
