the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
