Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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