And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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