ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
