Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
