I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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