So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
