I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
operation have a gay friend backfired
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As shirtless as possible
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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