this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
