He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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