I like to think it a success when the cops are called
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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