it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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