I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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