Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
