Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
