i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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