Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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