you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
