I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's always time for handjobs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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