you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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