Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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