A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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