If i come over, it means nothing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
