One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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