If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
