I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
