It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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