After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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