I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
