I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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