i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
