I have demons in me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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