Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you traded sex for a burrito?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
