Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
