I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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