we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
