I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
