Cold hands, warm shart.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
