I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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