evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
