Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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